I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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