Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
