she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
