he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
