It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
