hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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