he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
there is puke in my bra ... again
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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