I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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