are you still at the devil's house?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
