im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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