there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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