community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
