I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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