So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
