u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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