I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
did i just pee glitter
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
