My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
