WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
