I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
