Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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