he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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