Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You are the jesus of drinking
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
