you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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