Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i now understand why vodka
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
