U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
