Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize