While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
