My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
whose parrot is this?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
