I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
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