We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
