i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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