i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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