I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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