how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
