if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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