GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you traded sex for a burrito?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
