When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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