She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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