due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
