thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
