I puked a lego.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
