John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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