I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
