i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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