apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
