therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
