i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
