im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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