Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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