Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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