He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
