She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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