remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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