yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
