where am i from again
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
