highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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