I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
