I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
