True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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