Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
