She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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