dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I need to align my fucking chakras
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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