They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
