I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
