Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
