we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
