6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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