I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
