I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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